Moving On

          Last one week was hell, trying to come to terms with the fact that I will have to resume living with the nasty things that are happening to me. So I decided to modify my tactics and arm myself with new reasons to live.

          On Wednesday after the visit to my hated doctor (She chimed that we'll do one more cycle of IUI and I kept my face expressionless while what I wanted to scream at her was 'Do something aggressive for a change coz already my ovaries are 50 years old and I don't want to wait till they turn 60.' God!! Why doesn't she see the condition I'm in? Why does she insist on doing the same old treatments to me when my own body is plotting against me?) I went to my favourite book shop and bought a handful of books. I've also decided to brush up one of my earliest and most dreaded dreams - appearing for the civil service exam. Guess there is no harm in trying. Now I feel like I can face anything, even a failure in the exam, because I'm facing far far worse things.  

          So then I went to the Indian Coffee House and sat there and drank ...... COFFEE. Yes .... COFFEE. I haven't drank coffee ever since I started this cursed journey of IF and now I decided to break the spell. While I sat at ICH, reading my favorite book and drinking coffee, I tried to make myself believe that nothing has changed. That my life was still the old life when I roamed my most beloved Trivandrum city hunting the second hand bookstalls and adoring the city, its museum, the kanakakkunnu palace, the numerous small lanes, the evening rush in front of the secretariat and the libraries which were my haven. I tried to imagine that I was relaxed and there were no realities waiting to pounce upon me when I get back to life. And it helped. I feel like i've returned to being sane after that Wednesday.

          Now i'm somewhat ready to face the gruesome treatment and work schedule waiting for me this month. I've even figured out how to crochet a pineapple swirl edging. I'll post a picture when i'm finished. And I tatted some motifs and have started preparing for the exams.

And to everybody out there ... have a happy Monsoon:)